Sunday, 16 June 2013

This week

This week I still miss my cats.  My Dana and my Charlie.  My cuddles.

This week showed me that even during a depression, I can force my brain to create.  It is forced, though and I can sense that it is very shallow. 

This week was a week of letting go - of control over a project, of some of the loss, of dreams of how I expected my new cats to behave.

This week had some moments so low that life seemed pointless and some moments that were simply relaxing and warm.

This week made me value my friends.

This week taught me that I can get affection from many different places, smaller doses, but maybe enough to get by.  And yes, I am talking about the cats and kittens at The Cat Corner.

This week brought many new sparkly things into play.

This week I learnt that letting go of control over my daughter's life, partly in order to teach her independence, doesn't work when she is not self motivated. 

This week I danced in sadness, danced to express anger and danced with joy.

This week... I'm still a mess, a grieving woman seeking to find a way to fill the emptiness, living on a rollercoaster where sometimes I can see that it will be okay and others I am sunk deep in the fear that I will never dance in the sunshine again.

This week, hubby and daughter gave me extra cuddles, extra attention and extra support.  Hubby even put on my favourite music when we went driving today.  Then made me cry by explaining how a particular song reminded him of Dana-cat.

"Little light... shining
Little light... guide them, to me.
My face is all lit up,
my face is all lit up"

This week was full of amazing people whom make the world a better place. 

This week.  Is nearly over. 
Next week is full of potential.  It's up to me to make it awesome.

Friday, 14 June 2013

Interpretive Dance.

My focus recently has been on Interpretive Dance with apparatus.

I so enjoyed writing that.  Interpretive Dance was the byword for being slightly bizarre, out there and also, just a little bit of freedom when I was in High School.  It was the fallback comment, "If you don't finish your essay, I'll expect you to give the class a demonstration of the topic through Interpretive Dance."  

After exploring how to express Strength and Grace with my hoops, I am now exploring how to be a cloud, fluffy and dancing in the wind, wild and tempestuous through a storm and rising to combine with the sun and create a rainbow.

Circus is like playtime everyday.

With feathers and sequins.

Or having a second childhood without the midlife crisis part.