I am sad because one of the shining people in my life will be moving out of my sphere soon. I am happy because she is moving Onwards and Upwards and that is wonderful and exciting.
I have an inner need to control things, to keep them as they are and this has been one of my life lessons, to learn to go with the flow, to accept, to enjoy the good moments and deal with the bad moments.
And I have learnt, many, many, oh why so many times these two things.
1. People will not stay in the my sphere just to keep me happy. *cheeky grin* They like to travel and have their own fun adventures and I cannot control them. Tying them up and making them stay is frowned upon by the Police, begging is futile as they either ignore it or really learn intense resentment towards you (and rightfully so) as you are holding them back.
2. I like people who are adventurous.
Internal personality conflict right there.
That lovely time after finishing Uni, when you are supposed to be having amazing adventures, exploring all sorts of places/things/ideas/yourself/careers was one of my biggest learning curves then. Trickey and I had married about a week after Uni finished (cos it's not completely insane to be organising a wedding while trying to finish final assignments and learn calculus) and I had expected all my lovely friends would get work in the city and we would all hang out and have amazing parties on the weekend.
Apparently, they expected to backpack or move to France or to drive the newly bought, very secondhand, fourwheel drive around obscure bits of Australia and then have said Fourwheel drive break down and stay in Townsville for several years while they worked and saved enough to fix it. Or some vague expectations like that. I may have cried and begged the Townsville couple not to go. Didn't work. Learning curve in my face, baybeee!
So, I stayed home, tried to learn wifely skills like cooking (Trickey is a very brave man!) and cleaning... (still getting there with that one) and finally got a job and we bought a house. This was the adventure I wanted! And I had my cousins nearby and I love them and we did lots of fun things together. And then THEY MOVED AWAY. (Seriously. I don't smell that bad. They've invited me up for Christmas, soooo...)
I made new friends. They've since moved away to open a business in China.
I made new friends. I chose ones who liked to stay near family. Stable. Constant.
I think Lil' Miss Inconsistent and Contrary irritated them a lot. And then we drifted apart. Which is a polite way of saying I drove them batty and they'd finally had enough.
Slowly, I learnt to just enjoy people for the time they are in my sphere and send them off with a "Have So Much Fun!" Live in the moment. Be happy with what is here, right now and not worry about if they will stay.
And do you know what I've discovered?
There are SO MANY amazing people out there, waiting to create fun!
That the anxiety produced by worrying about them going away from me was taking FUN away from my life. So pffft to you, anxiety. I don't need you.
That I can love new people and it doesn't matter if they stay. Cos loving a new friend is positive and happy and wonderful!
...and that sometimes, they do come back. ;-) That is not the point of this post, however.
In case you are interested in the Onwards and Upwards adventurer, since we all love having virtual adventures, take a look at Almost Exactly Circus on Facebook, or if you want to help them get their regional touring circus adventure off the ground, you can support their project on Pozible and there are choices there where you can have shining people come into your life as well!