Thursday, 25 October 2012

I Heart my Body 2012

I Heart My Body is a positive body image blog linkup organised by "We Heart Life" to promote... you guessed it, positive body image.

It's been a wandering thought in my head, that 200 years ago, we didn't have the mass media to take images of the most beautiful and symmetrical people and then put them everywhere.  This increases our expectations that:
- We should look like that
- Looking like that is IMPORTANT
- Lots of people look like that

Well, lots of people don't.  And they shouldn't have to feel it is important that they do.   And the disappointment about this doesn't come from not being perfect it comes from the UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS that have been created by a false force.

We should just have to look as we are.  I believe hairy legs and all, but I completely buckled under pressure on that one. Now I excuse myself by reminding myself that I like my Trickey's face shaven so if he likes my legs minus all that thick, dark brown hair, then it is a marital balance issue, not a caving in under peer pressure issue.  Really.  It is.  Would you believe...

(To steal a favourite phrase from a friend) *getting off my soapbox*
Here is my I Heart My Body Post.

Three things I love about my body.

As a child, I said I liked my long, straight blond hair and my lovely green eyes with their cool dusky green border.

I still love my eyes, they are such a pretty light colour and the darker border is cool and gives them definition.  They are a nice shape, with just a hint of a upward tilt at the outer edges.

I love my fingers.  They are long and elegant, with callouses in all the right places for trapese.

I love my calves, for all their lovely strong muscle that gives them nice definition (and makes them too large to fit into my knee high boots, but, hey, I should give them to Princess!  So gunna do that right now!) (She even paused playing Wii to make some comments, but I think this is not an exciting moment for her.  But...but... they're SHOES!)

My body image was never very good.  When I was at Uni, I often had to walk past many building sites and to be completely honest, the wolf whistles and inappropriate comments bolsters my self image.  Sometimes, when I was having a bad day, I would go for a completely unnecessary walk past the building site.

After Baby Princess was born, it took two years to get my figure back to something I vaguely liked, but only when fully covered.  I despaired about the big, saggy tummy I had to the point where I would be lying awake in misery much of the night.  Now I can see this is a waste of time, but back then... well, I lacked confidence.   When the Princess hit the Kinder era, I made a committment to give up Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazines.  I spent my days with lovely women of all shapes, sizes and combinations.  They were all pretty or attractive in some way.

(She has the 1960's knee high boots of dancing... she is pleased with how they slide over the floor.  Makes all that effort wearing away the soles worthwhile... *grins*) 

Another moment that improved my self image was at Circus, having a whinge about stretch marks.  Mine go from halfway down my thighs to up past my belly button.  (Impressively extensive, right?)  How my skin will never be attractive again.  Sob, sob, moan, whinge.  And one of the younger men showed me how he has had stretch marks since he was a teenager undergoing a massive growth spurt.   And I looked. And it didn't look terrible.  It just looked... natural.

Princess and I are heading out to the sunshine now, to take a FULLY CLOTHED (No, I am so not that brave) picture of my body.  Doing something my body likes to do. ;-)  

Oh!  OH! And I love my breasts!  Not for how they look... but because they make splitting two hoops (so one is spinning around my chest and one on my waist) so much easier! ;-)

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

I has a sad and a happy at the same time.

As nothing defines my character better than to be contradictory and inconsistent.

I am sad because one of the shining people in my life will be moving out of my sphere soon.  I am happy because she is moving Onwards and Upwards and that is wonderful and exciting.

I have an inner need to control things, to keep them as they are and this has been one of my life lessons, to learn to go with the flow, to accept, to enjoy the good moments and deal with the bad moments.

And I have learnt, many, many, oh why so many times these two things.

1.  People will not stay in the my sphere just to keep me happy.  *cheeky grin*  They like to travel and have their own fun adventures and I cannot control them.  Tying them up and making them stay is frowned upon by the Police, begging is futile as they either ignore it or really learn intense resentment towards you (and rightfully so) as you are holding them back. 

2.  I like people who are adventurous. 

Internal personality conflict right there. 

That lovely time after finishing Uni, when you are supposed to be having amazing adventures, exploring all sorts of places/things/ideas/yourself/careers was one of my biggest learning curves then.  Trickey and I had married about a week after Uni finished (cos it's not completely insane to be organising a wedding while trying to finish final assignments and learn calculus) and I had expected all my lovely friends would get work in the city and we would all hang out and have amazing parties on the weekend.

Apparently, they expected to backpack or move to France or to drive the newly bought, very secondhand, fourwheel drive around obscure bits of Australia and then have said Fourwheel drive break down and stay in Townsville for several years while they worked and saved enough to fix it.  Or some vague expectations like that.  I may have cried and begged the Townsville couple not to go.  Didn't work.  Learning curve in my face, baybeee!

So, I stayed home, tried to learn wifely skills like cooking (Trickey is a very brave man!) and cleaning... (still getting there with that one) and finally got a job and we bought a house.  This was the adventure I wanted!  And I had my cousins nearby and I love them and we did lots of fun things together.  And then THEY MOVED AWAY.  (Seriously.  I don't smell that bad.  They've invited me up for Christmas, soooo...)

I made new friends.  They've since moved away to open a business in China. 

I made new friends.  I chose ones who liked to stay near family.  Stable.  Constant. 
I think Lil' Miss Inconsistent and Contrary irritated them a lot.  And then we drifted apart.  Which is a polite way of saying I drove them batty and they'd finally had enough.

Slowly, I learnt to just enjoy people for the time they are in my sphere and send them off with a "Have So Much Fun!"  Live in the moment.  Be happy with what is here, right now and not worry about if they will stay. 

And do you know what I've discovered? 

There are SO MANY amazing people out there, waiting to create fun! 
That the anxiety produced by worrying about them going away from me was taking FUN away from my life.  So pffft to you, anxiety.  I don't need you.  
That I can love new people and it doesn't matter if they stay.  Cos loving a new friend is positive and happy and wonderful!

...and that sometimes, they do come back. ;-)  That is not the point of this post, however.

In case you are interested in the Onwards and Upwards adventurer, since we all love having virtual adventures, take a look at Almost Exactly Circus on Facebook, or if you want to help them get their regional touring circus adventure off the ground, you can support their project on Pozible and there are choices there where you can have shining people come into your life as well!  

Now I must go and try and find out if the huntsman spidey that was on the fence next to my car last night is IN my car, or just somewhere else on the fence.  I must thank Circus for helping me develop me the flexibility and strength to be able to climb into the car via the passenger side and get Miz Princezz to her bus on time.  Now to garner some emotional strength to go find creeeepy crawwwly.

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Real World Infiltrating! now with added flowers!

My inspiring RUCCIS coach now reads my blog.  (waves hello!)  This is a combination of exciting, nerve-wracking and embarrassing.  Plus I am going to have to really carefully edit my grammar from now on. (cheeky grin at said coach)  So this is like an interim post, to get over that nervousness. 

*twiddles thumbs, wonders what to write, writes, deletes, not stressing, just... unsure!*

When I come home and park in my driveway, I have a great feeling of contentment and happiness.  I love my little cream brick veneer house and I love being at home.  As a special bonus, in Spring, this is the view I see from my car as I park.

I know there are so many spiders living in there (yey for mini-ecosystems!) that I haven't had the courage to clean my windows for over a decade (Isn't is fun being old enough to speak in terms of decades!), but it is a happy spot.  Often a tiny Tabby can be found sleeping in the violets under the Stonewall x Jackson azalea and when I get out of the car, she stands up and does a most adorable stretch before greeting me with her trilling meow. 

Pretty!  Morning sun making the flowers glow.

 The intensity of colour makes my eyes happy.

What makes you happy when you get home?

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Cry Tabby - but I keep on answering the call

My Girl Kitten (who may be 15 years old, but is still tiny and continues to be known as the Kitten) cries everytime she goes to bed. 
Not when she curls up outside, not when she settles in for a snooze by the heater, not when she purrs herself to sleep on my lap.  Unless we are in my bedroom.

It's a very sad, cry, the cry of a baby looking for her mother.  At night, she explores the entire room, talking to ghosts and crying out, before settling down (usually on my head) (True, that doesn't help my breathing problems, but she is impossibly cute and gets away with anything she wants to). 

She didn't do this the first night I brought her home.  She didn't leave hold of me for the whole night.  Sharp, tiny claws ensured her grip.

She curled up on my chest, just over my heart and fell asleep purring to my heart beat.  For twenty minutes I strained my eyes to watch her sweetly sleep.   She was a two month old kitten... so after that twenty minutes she got up and wanted to play.

But the next night... she searched.  We thought it was adorable, the tiny little paddy paws girl exploring the cupboard and window sills, until the cry started.  Up we bounced to make sure our baby girl kitten was okay.  Amber eyes peered back up at us from inside the dark cupboard, wide open and soulful.  Then she gave her happy, bird like chirrup to us and dived with kittenish enthusiasm into the next nook.  And cried again. 

This cry of hers tugs at my heartstring. 

Hubby teases me that she is looking for her real Mum.  I AM her real Mum!  She was part of a litter of kittens dumped at an Animal Rescue place.  I did not take her from her Mum, I adopted her and did my best. (my best does not include discipline) 

Usually she is a very happy, spoilt, smug little dominating Tabby who knows she rules this household.

Except... when she goes into the bed room and cries for a few minutes before curling up. 

After 15 years, I know nothing will fix this.  I still rush in to check (okay, the Tabby is a little bit precious to us), but just give her a pat and get on with the day after I know she is fine.

 I just wish I could make it better.  Or understand cat talk and know that she's actually saying, "My bed, you other cat's keep away", or something traditionally spoilt, jealous and possessive Evil Dominating Shoulder sitting Tabby Girl Cat like.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Have you ever...

Have you ever...

Had one of those days when you are dancing and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror?
And then start jumping up and down because the swarovski crystal bling on your t-shirt sparkles so beautifully when your busom bounces up and down?

No?  Really?  Must just be me, then!

SO Sparkly!