Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Dizzy with endorphins

I've been reading several of my favourite blogs, Edenland, Magneto Bold Too and others.  I used to bond so strongly with the agonies they are going through.  I still feel with them, agonise with them.



Right now...

I'm really happy.  I've tamed or accepted or modified so many of the problems that brought me down and I admit, I indulge in hefty doses of endorphins with my exercise and circus.  For a second I feel guilt.  It doesn't last because I know how hard I have fought to overcome or simply exist with my challenges.  

Then I feel... sad that I can't give it to those I love.  My solutions are not their solutions.  I cannot fix the difficulties my real life friend has with her two autistic (one also with intellectual disability) children.  I cannot solve my cousins' losses, of partners, of dreams, of their health and their life without pain.

I'm so freaking happy.  Right now, right here, there is so little to write about.  Happiness doesn't engender the need to express myself.  I am expressing myself through my sewing, through my performances with RUCCIS, giving all of myself in each moment, whether as a Mum to a (finally) happy child, a daughter who can empathise with her Marmie,  an artist who can share with an audience what is feels like to fall in love, what it feels like to be part of an amazing, energy fueled 70's act and send that energy out to the audience. 

I so loved both those acts.  The gorgeous, talented and lovely J, singing her soul out to the audience, while I, as a Ventitian lady, attracted to the stunning Gondalier, kept reaching out and being dragged away by the forces of society/gravity until... until... the Gondalier came to me and I surrendered my heart, my single point trapese to J, dancing around her in awe as she impressed not just the audience, but myself as the character.   I loved throwing myself into the concept.  Trying to become more involved with both our characters.  Spinning on the single point trapese definately added to my (glee) enjoyment. 

I may have pictures one day.  We had the most amazing (and adorably passionate about his art) photographer come to both "Little Cabaret of Horrors" and now "Gracie and the Time Machine" and he is simply amazing. 

Until then....Look how good he made M and I look at Cabaret (though M is gorgeous anyway!) 
Capturing Images - The Red Shoes

The highlight of the entire performance, for me, was a trick that T devised.  No idea how he came up with it, but I am so delighted that he did.  Not just because it looks really cool, but because it is an extended moment of sheer joy for me. I so hope, someone, somewhere, filmed it.

Imagine... gripping the ropes of a trapese, swinging back and forth, then on the forward swing, being caught by a very strong and capable friend who spins you around them, letting you go flying across the stage in full spin as well... so that you are now spinning at a delicious speed, while swinging back and forth across the 12 meter stage.  At first T would catch me on the swing back to him, worried my grip wasn't strong enough, until the strength grew and I pouted because I just wanted to keep on spinning and swinging and spinning.



  1. Happy is good, glad you found some, enjoy x

  2. Happy is awesome. Don't feel guilty, happiness is contagious and I try to surround myself with happy people to feed off their endorphins.

    Like a succubus.


    1. Thank you for those freeing words Kelly, especially since they are coming from you.

      And that last comment is NOT gunna make me nervous to smile near you... No, not at all... ;-p