One (glorious) trip to the cinema, so much overwhelmingness in art, circus and life, too much driving and after three years of so much draining, I am not broken, but I am at a very low ebb of energy.
Two years and two days ago, the family tragedy happened and blew away the new and tiny reserves of energy I had regained after the depression and near death ectopic thingy. Since then, I have been running on what I can draw from the air, from the mist, from everything around me. Living. Not just existing, but blooming with the joy of being alive and grabbing all of the adventures life offered. Because each day might be my only chance to do this amazing thing or have that fun experience.
My emotions are stronger, my health improved somewhat, in general things have improved again, but today I realised that I have no energy reserves at all. Like being a mother of a newborn again.
When my mind or emotions aren't pulling me onwards like an excited five year old who's just seen the Mr. Whippy Ice cream van, I slump. I flomp. I blomp.
Time to look at my life and slow down. Build up some reserves before I dive into the next wonderful adventure.
Edit: and then I go to Circus training and come up with a fun idea for a macabre act for our Horror Cabaret and decide to choereograph it while I'm at it...
Still no energy, but oh so happy. Maybe this is just how it is?