Sunday, 8 January 2012

Family Ties, new lovely threads and damaged ends from severed cuts.

Wow. How do I explain how excited and at the same time, confused I am?

Hubby's Aunty had her 80th yesterday. Awesome party, I love this family, they are an example of how to be modestly amazing. I am so glad to have my daughter express mostly the genes that came from this family. She is a living replica of Oma and the Aunty and is so much like them that sometimes my heart just oozes joy because it cannot contain it all.

*NB. I love my family, it's just we are all a bit nuts. So is the other side of his family. If you are family and reading this, think twice about us before you complain. :-p

I saw a little girl there, whom I didn't know. She looked like family. But surely I knew all the family?

Going outside, I watched Trickey's cousin grab him, drag him over to where a 50ish man was standing and say "This is your cousin, the one that is named after your Dad". That he has never (in all recollection of both of them) met.

The little girl was his granddaughter.

How cool is that?!

*NB. Trickey's Dad is otherwise known to us as "He who shall not be named", but apparently before he got married and things went horribly, horribly wrong. A novel is being written by another family member of how very horribly wrong, that's how horribly wrong it went, Trickey's Dad was such a nice person that there are many cousins named after him.

The confusion came as part of this. About Trickey's Dad, I hear so many wonderful (some embarassing/funny in a two year old way, of being unwilling to go on his potty until his favourite person arrived to put him on it each day) stories about how friendly, kind, funny, charming and all around adored this Man was. From His family.

From Trickey, Trickey's Brother, the Dad's Business Partner and some of Trickey's Maternal relatives, I hear how he was lazy, unsympathetic and violent.

People would say something about him to me and ask for my stories. I would have to respond that most of the stories I heard were about him throwing things at his wife while the two sons hid behind the couch. They looked at me funny. I decided to become silent, since they obviously were not in on the whole history.

They would share a story about how he took them fishing and was so gentle and patient, and If I had responded, I would only be able to respond that he wasn't patient with his eldest son's sadness over his mother's suicide (and tried to have him thrown in prison for running away from the evil new step mum).

They would discuss how he was so funny and I sat there, mute, unable to think of one funny story I have heard from either son.

It was a bit of a challenge being so obviously the daughter-in-law to a man they adored. Though, I am not legally his daughter in law, anyway, but I didn't bother to explain that he legally severed all ties with his 14 year old son when State took him away. After they had taken away the younger son due to suspected violence. (It was the stepson committing the violence, in this case!)

I don't understand what happened to the charming, shy, gentleman I have heard so much about over the years, from his mother and sister. I don't understand why he stopped being part of this amazing family. I don't understand any of his actions. I feel sad for him.

But mostly, I feel sad that his behaviour meant that my two Men (Hubby and Brother in law) didn't get the joy of feeling real belonging in this wonderful family. Growing up with their outstanding cousins, seeing their Oma.

I am so glad we do now.
I am glad the new cousins have made contact, as well.




4 comments:

  1. What a lovely time you all had and what a fabulous re-connection you and Tricky are able to make :)

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  2. Thanks Jayne, it was a day to remember. :-)

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  3. It sounds as though Trickey's dad may have been suffering from mania and no one was the wiser. How awful for Trickey's mum to commit suicide- it's the most devastating thing for a kid, especially if the father didn't seem to like her in the first place. Trickey's attitude to pain sounds identical to my parter's! I've just been diagnosed with arthritis in my right wrist, it's quite painful, and I've never had anything like it for him to relate to. He screams loudly when he just bumps into the furniture, as I have been doing for umpty years without a squeak! Enjoy the new kitten- kittens can mend any disappointment!

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  4. *goes and reads more about mania* There are no indications of mania in the stories I hear, more weakness and lack of self control, wanting to go down the easiest path.
    It was a bad personality match in the marriage, from political/cultural reasons to emotional differences, with many baby related tragedies to fuel the fire, plus Trickey's mother is not an innocent in the story either.
    The suicide was still the most prominent thing in hubby's mind when I met him, 9 years later. It has taken a lot of love and stability to help him feel safe enough to grieve.
    LOL, pain is nasty stuff! Trickey is usually the one to come in bleeding and say "it's just a scratch", which is why I was surprised to find out it was that same sort of pain level as I endure that made him all moany.
    Sorry to hear about the arthritis, that is such a aggravating pain to have to deal with.
    Thanks for the comment. :-)

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