Thursday, 27 October 2011

Book review: Sticking to Mills and Boon

Why do people write books to make other people cry?

Why do people give me these books to read?

Why do I read them without googling them for "teary factor" first?

Having just finished "At first sight" by Nicholas Sparks, the scream that lives inside me is at full volume again and I can hardly hear what is going on in my head over the intense noise it makes.

I want happy endings, Disney style, interesting twists that leave me curious, laughter and gleeful excitement at the end of something I read/watch for entertainment. I don't need an author's help to want to cry. The tears will come without the assistance of brilliant acting. I can scream from reading my own diaries, don't give me your fictional agony. My energy goes towards keeping that scream in my heart quiet.

Soothing it.

Calming it.

Reminding it that I have accepted what is.

Stupid authors who think it's alright to go and poke it with a stick.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

How to create an awkward moment

I am dragging out my 40th birthday, by saving gift cards and waiting for friend's gifts that are building lovely anticipation. One gift card from my brother-in-law was very exciting, for a large shopping complex. I had my heart set on an external hard drive and today, I went out to get it!

JB Hi-fi was sadly undergoing renovations and did not have stock of hard drives, but helpfully recommended other shops that would. Dick Smith's do not accept the Shopping complex voucher. Nor do Myer, Big W or KMart.

Some sadness leaching in here, but I ignored it and thought, "There are other things I need here, I will look for them instead."

No Egyptian wigs in either shop that stocked wigs, no plate stands in white, not even a computer game that I wanted for a child's gift.

I determined to use it for my normal shopping, anyway. After all, it's not often I go to the shopping complex. It would be fun!

Knock back after knock back for the gift card, I eventually went to information and got a list of the shops that don't accept the card, to reduce the impact this constant rejection was having upon my mood. It was a large list.

The Chemist accepted the card. Hooray! I could at least buy something!

So now...

How do I tell my Brother in law that he bought me condoms for my birthday?

Tuesday, 18 October 2011


Been doing really well.
Sleeping at night. Not even as scared of bedtime as I used to be.
Been very busy. Getting things done. Amazing, feeling empowered.

Wrenched my lower back out of place this morning. The morning cat stretch. I KNOW I shouldn't do this. I am usually cautious as a 90 year old, since that is the medical age of my neck. I was feeling good. I took a risk. It twisted me and made it so difficult to walk.

Now I am sitting here, having an anxiety attack because my heart can't get around the fact that I didn't pick Princess up from school today. Heart says, "Yes, Head, I know her friend's Mama is reliable and soon my lil sparkly one will be having fun, safe at her friend's house. BUT, it's past time for overprotective Mama's to be waiting at the school gate. Go. Go. GO. NOW!".

Grade 6 is too old for me to be waiting at school anyway, with weak excuses like, "I thought she would want her Guides uniform," or "Here is her DS, I know she'd miss having that."

So, I wonder, is there a link between my back being out and my anxiety?

Just for the record... First voltaren today for 47 days. I am gunna kick the stomach destroyer. Just not today. *sighs*

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Tiptoe through the tulips

LOVE the Tulip Festival. Any tulip festival.

Love the "Fairy hollow", where the trees have windows and doors for the fairies and gnomes to go in and look out by.

Love the FLOWERS! Expanses of poppies and tulips and colour, colour, colour everywhere I look. Glorious Rhodedendrons being as pink as they can be. Purple tulips with tips of white, orange tulips woth glowing hearts of pink and yellow.

Poffertjes. I had 2. SO nice. So naughty. The girls had two plates.

Marmie and I sat at the white tables in the pretty garden to have a cuppa and a natter while the girls disappeared. She comforted me through this time of stressing about having to let my Princess be out of my view and learn some independence. Admittedly, most of this came in the form of saying, "toughen up and get used to it", but I know she knew how I felt.

Now I am home, the girls are hooping (well, we can call throwing the hoops as high as they can in the air, and then running for safety as they come down... Hooping, can't we?) and my dominating shoulder Diva is, well, on my shoulder. Being dominating. Claws. She has such good claws.

Today is good. :-)

Monday, 3 October 2011

Shhh, we're quietly, tiptoeing through my 40th.

So I turned 40 yesterday.

There was no big party. I wanted a big party. I've been planning it all year. The plans kept changing from a cream pie throwing party, to a giant get together of everyone I loved at a park, to an afternoon tea where everyone frocked/suited up.

I couldn't commit. There were budget issues, but Marmie offered to help. That's when I realised what was wrong.

My recently deceased and dearly missed cousin-in-law is... was three days older than me. She should have turned 40 three days before me and had a huge party with all her family. My family. We should have been co-ordinating parties around each other's birthday's, whose house to go to for the Grand Final (Not that I care about football, but my family do) and I should have been absolutely exhausted from excessive socialising by now.

Maybe next year it will be easier, but this year. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to. I didn't want to make the family do it either.

For the first time ever, I am older than her.

Wrong on so many levels.
A cuppa tea in her honour, eternally 39.

It was a very quiet birthday. There was a lot of smiling and laughing and it was good. And Lamington Cake. From the Beechworth bakery. Oh I so recommend their Lamington Cake. :-D

Saturday, 1 October 2011

Large things in life

Today, Marmie and I took her aging and somewhat overweight fluffball of a Maltese/Shi'tzu cross dog for a walk, in the rain.

Marmie says he's just got broad shoulders.

He enjoyed it greatly, sniffing all the new-to-him trees, poles and many a letterbox. He must think I am very social with my neighbours, as Mr. Butterball tried to wander up almost every driveway we passed. He didn't seem to mind the rain, but was not so keen on the tall grass. It was taller than him. Intimidating, much?

Since the clouds were flinging much of the watery stuff down onto us, Marmie and I had our 'brellas. My cool paisley one I bought back in Uni and have loved ever since, Marmie with her multicoloured "Umbrella of Ginormousness" that was used as a "family of four" rain covering for two decades. It's big. Quite large. Takes up the whole footpath and we could only walk side by side if one of us sprawled over onto the grass.

There has been much building in the backyards of houses in my area, so much for Marmie and I to discuss as the Round Ball of Fluffyness had walkies. One house was getting a new driveway and had four star pickets (with bright yellow plastic toppings safely covering their tips) on the edge of the footpath, for some mysterious building purpose.

Marmie's "Umbrella of Excessive Diameter" managed to catch on the first star picket. She lifted it higher, but accidentally tilted it and caught the edge of the "Big Stripey Brolly" on the second star picket. We laughed.

I commented, dryly, "There are two more star pickets ahead", and both of us laughed. I started to tell Marmie how much I loved her sense of humour as she very deliberately avoided the third star picket with a grin. She turned to look at me and...

Caught the umbrella on the fourth picket.

So maybe you had to be there. But we laughed so much and I am SO HAPPY to have my Marmie here.