Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Waffle. Not the smothered in maple syrup kind.

Were you really shy as a child, so terrified of dealing with social situations that you once stood at the door of your best friend's house, whose family you had known all your life and were too nervous to knock? (Apparently, her Mum watched me agonise and lift my hand, only to let it drop again, through the kitchen window terraline curtains)

Or a total extrovert, always singing ("Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey!) and dancing (yes, on the lunch tables at primary school, I had to perfect my podium dancing somehow), trying to attract attention?

Did you prefer to walk quietly around the school, sometimes with one close friend, sometimes alone because even asking that friend to walk with you was too overwhelming and you didn't feel worthy of monopolising their time?

Or would you happily bounce into a large group and join in whatever game was going, being a social asset and having a ball?

Would you relate more to memories of only communicating with your first grade 6 boyfriend through each other's friends, even though you'd happily played with him for the last 7 years of primary school, because NOW it was scarier and more important that you not say something silly and scare him off. (And he broke up with you a week later, cos you stopped talking to him)

Or would you then, after that social catastrophe, single out the most outrageous guy in grade 6 and have a wildly temperamental relationship with him, breaking up, screaming at each other with abandon, then making up and going to see a movie together at the local school hall. (where we held hands, nervously waiting for half time to go out the "bushes" where everyone makes out and we got sprung by one of the ushers)

Or how about both? Could you relate to both? Could you co-exist as both personalities in one body, mind and soul and never know which one was going to take the lead in any given situation?

The confident me is SO much more fun. I thought I had her mostly on, these days, buffered by all the lovely friends I have, and the way you really cannot be self-concious at Circus training. When you gotta put your hand there on someone else, you gotta put your hand THERE or people are going to fall over and get hurt. So you just do. And is all good. Cos they don't take it personally. Just anti-gravitically. (Is SO a word. :-p Now.)

I wish I could figure out how to switch her on by choice. ;-)

Today's waffle triggered by a "words with friends" request from a (now grown up) boy I went to High School with, that I was nearly too shy to answer. I'm 39, a mother, still a freak and he was never mean to me at High School. But he's a Booooooooooooy! Geesh @ me.

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